Aging: A Family Process
The Real Reason Golden Agreements Matter
There are hundreds of practical and logistical reasons for a family and their loved ones to undertake the process of creating Golden Agreements. These include clarity in decision-making, reduced conflict during times of crisis, and ensuring wishes are honored. These reasons are important—and they’re well-documented throughout this website.
But there is another, often overlooked, reason to do this work. It’s not legal or logistical.
It’s emotional. Human. Even spiritual.
To witness a loved one age is to witness transformation: in their mind, their body, their roles, and their needs. This journey is often filled with heartache, uncertainty, and stress—but also profound beauty. It can remind us why we care, even when the day-to-day challenges seem to blur that truth.
A Story from Thailand: The Golden Buddha
Centuries ago, as war swept across Thailand, a group of monks sought to protect a treasured possession: a massive golden statue of the Buddha. Fearing it would be stolen or desecrated, they covered the statue in layers of clay, stucco, and colored glass, disguising its true value. It looked plain—even forgettable.
For nearly 200 years, it was moved from temple to temple, mistaken for an ordinary plaster statue.
Then, in 1955, during a routine move to a new temple in Bangkok—Wat Traimit—the statue was accidentally dropped. A crack formed. And from within that crack came a glint of gold. When the monks carefully removed the outer coating, they discovered the truth: beneath the ordinary exterior was a solid gold Buddha, weighing over 5.5 tons.
The world had walked past it for generations, never realizing the treasure hidden within.
What This Has to Do With Us
Our elders are the same.
Time, illness, and change may cover them in layers of forgetfulness, fragility, or what looks like dependency. We may get caught up in logistics, medical charts, memory loss, and appointments. We may forget what’s underneath.
But they are gold. They are wisdom, humor, love, resilience, and stories. They are the very heart of our families.
The Life Lesson – and the Invitation
At some point, each of us will look back and ask: Did I truly honor the people I love? Did I see their gold? Did I show up for them in a way that reflects how much they meant to me?
That’s what Golden Agreements are really about.
They are not just documents. They are declarations of care. They are practical tools shaped by emotional truth.
Golden Agreements create a baseline of dignity, a guiding map for decisions, and a shared understanding for families. In moments of confusion or crisis, they remind everyone of what matters most—not just what’s medically appropriate, but what’s personally sacred.
When we put these agreements in place, we give ourselves the ability to act with love, not just react in fear. We give our elders the honor they deserve. We prepare ourselves to remember them not with regret, but with peace—knowing we recognized their gold, and helped it shine through.
Schedule your free consultation to see if Golden Agreements are right for you.